This is something different, during our nightly patient only therapy, a young naval service member opened up to me about his reasoning for being admitted to the psych ward. I saw myself in him, the lack of self value and living a purposeful life. And as I listened and he saw I was actually listening and he opened up more than I expected. I began to ask questions that were more uncomfortable for him but he felt relaxed enough to answer my deeper questions. I experienced the same issues of thinking no one listened to me or even cared about what was going on in my mind. Something after this second admittance to the psych ward that had proven false. I do have family and friends that care and worry about me, even a veteran I only knew through emails and text messages came to visit me.
Once the young naval corpsman finished I think he waited for me to sit down and cast my judgement. While I wasn't the best person to give him advice I think he just appreciated he was finally able to open up about what had been causing him so much pain.
And I thought about the walk I had with my dad that day and how I told him why I never reached out before. And why I didn't feel as if I could be loved, or that through all the trouble I had been growing up really deserved his love anymore. I spoke to this young corpsman as my dad had spoke to me, with compassion and care and told him that he does matter and that his parents, family, would miss him if he had killed himself. Just as my dad told me he would be devastated because he had already lost so much in the past two years he couldn't take me dying.
Later that night as another patient and myself started to play Gin/Rummy and we taught the young corpsman. I watched as he quickly learned the rules. We quickly went from three players to two players. And the young corpsman and myself continued to play, it was great to see this shy corpsman open up and develop confidence and started to win games without assistance. We also used this time to talk more about what was going on in his life especially at work and how he was forgetting steps. So I told him if he could remember the correct steps of Gin then that would help in the development of a system so he wouldn't forget, so every game he recite "draw, play, discard." This concept of going through systems reminded me of when I was young and my dad would help me with geography, and repeat the steps to spell, location and pronounce correctly.
As we played more I asked more questions and I asked him about how he acts around women, especially women he's interested in. His answer was a "simple I don't know." I promptly stated "be yourself." If someone likes you they accept you for your and if that is not the case then they're not worth your time.
That's why Kristen loves, and continues to love me she accepted me for me, something I still find hard to accept and that has placed me in this spiral of blame, guilt and shame. I was afraid to be vulnerable around her something that slowly came to light as I rapidly spiralled down. But Kristen does love me and I love her because she has taught me what true love is and has been very supportive even when I don't think I am actually worthy of her constant love and support.
Once the young naval corpsman finished I think he waited for me to sit down and cast my judgement. While I wasn't the best person to give him advice I think he just appreciated he was finally able to open up about what had been causing him so much pain.
And I thought about the walk I had with my dad that day and how I told him why I never reached out before. And why I didn't feel as if I could be loved, or that through all the trouble I had been growing up really deserved his love anymore. I spoke to this young corpsman as my dad had spoke to me, with compassion and care and told him that he does matter and that his parents, family, would miss him if he had killed himself. Just as my dad told me he would be devastated because he had already lost so much in the past two years he couldn't take me dying.
Later that night as another patient and myself started to play Gin/Rummy and we taught the young corpsman. I watched as he quickly learned the rules. We quickly went from three players to two players. And the young corpsman and myself continued to play, it was great to see this shy corpsman open up and develop confidence and started to win games without assistance. We also used this time to talk more about what was going on in his life especially at work and how he was forgetting steps. So I told him if he could remember the correct steps of Gin then that would help in the development of a system so he wouldn't forget, so every game he recite "draw, play, discard." This concept of going through systems reminded me of when I was young and my dad would help me with geography, and repeat the steps to spell, location and pronounce correctly.
As we played more I asked more questions and I asked him about how he acts around women, especially women he's interested in. His answer was a "simple I don't know." I promptly stated "be yourself." If someone likes you they accept you for your and if that is not the case then they're not worth your time.
That's why Kristen loves, and continues to love me she accepted me for me, something I still find hard to accept and that has placed me in this spiral of blame, guilt and shame. I was afraid to be vulnerable around her something that slowly came to light as I rapidly spiralled down. But Kristen does love me and I love her because she has taught me what true love is and has been very supportive even when I don't think I am actually worthy of her constant love and support.
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